Nothingness

I was just sipping a hard black coffee from my cup on the rooftop outside my room (my room's the lone room at the rooftop), and staring at the empty sky above me, almost dark, but still lit by the half yet almost a round moon, I heard a Boeing take off from the Tribhuvan airport...and soon saw two very powerful headlights like focus light and other colorful lights blinking on the sky, making few stars that were still hanging disappear. It made a semicircle in the sky before it was at the top of my head, and I was still staring at the flying machine, when something came to my mind....something about the life itself, about the stuff that I used to imagine when I was still a kid, I imagined that I was the maker of some weird plane and fly my plane to some land unknown to everyone except the only me, to breathe the air of freedom......that Boeing then flew towards the eastern horizon off on its own, the twinkling lights grew dimmer, and slowly I saw the last bit of the image of that plane and then I saw lights no more... just like my imaginations that would just vanish into nothingness like the same Boeing.

But the passion or the volcanic want to get lost somewhere, like my imaginations, like that Boeing, my Boeing, grew like a mug getting filled with liquid from a huge eternal tap. I wanted to be on my own, alone, doing nothing except thinking, seeing nothing except the beauty of the convoluted weaving of the nature, hearing nothing except sounds of birds that flew, tigers that prowled, and pieces that swam, smelling nothing except the chilling wind free of smoke, but full of exotic flowery perfumes, swallowing nothing except the whole blue sky.....I wanted to touch the nature itself, sleep with it...Every night, I have slept on my little warm bed dreaming, so that the next the I'd be able to discover myself waking with the nature, but to my disappointment, everything around me would the same, the same books I read last evening would be lying by my sides, the same clock would be shooting its alarm bleeps like a fucking lunatic, except the light of the sun would fill up the room in place of a tungsten lamp.

One day, however, I woke up, opened my eyes, and all I could see was brightness, but I felt soil and grasses beneath me...I heard weird noises, yet it pleased my ear.... I smelt roses and I was damn certain of that...I felt a chilling wind push the skins deep inside of me.....my tongues tasted sweet because of the water that someone was splashing on my face, and it was sweeter than honey....suddenly the lenses in my eyes managed to focus the stuff around me...I had never been there before, but still this place looked so familiar to me.....A gate I knew I had seen before stood in front of me, I was certain that I had seen that gate before....but I didn't know where.

As I scrutinized the letters written with metal, nearly like gold but still a little shinier. I saw one word clearly written at the top...SWARGA; or the heaven. And then it suddenly opened before me. I glanced at my wrist watch, it was just past midnight, but still the sun shone brighter that I had ever seen. And I glanced behind me, saw nothing but emptiness.

I had a choice to make, and indeed did make one.I turned my back to that door, and headed towards the nothingness, longing to find something.